Part Thirteen – Friendship
Written 30.06.2007; Posted 17.08.2007
Notes: This takes place around the same time as the scene in part twelve.
——
When Jin picked up his cell phone, he was a little surprise to see Kazuya’s name on the screen. After all, it wasn’t like the two of them had much to talk about these days, and if there was anything, they would just talk about it at work.
“Moshi moshi.”
“…” There was silence at first, and Jin started to wonder if Kazuya had accidentally dialled his number without realising, when Kazuya’s voice finally filtered through. “Jin, it’s me.”
Jin frowned when he noticed the strangeness in Kazuya’s voice. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, really… Just that…” Kazuya paused, trying to figure out how he should put his question across, in the end deciding that with Jin, it was best to just be straightforward. “Why did you dump me back then?”
Jin was taken aback. First Tomohisa, now Kazuya. He really had not expected such a question from Kazuya though. “What do you mean by dumping you?”
“It’s not like we had a proper break up… I didn’t even know we weren’t together anymore until Pi told me about it.”
Jin sighed. “Kame, I’m sorry, I didn’t think that you would see it that way.” He should have known that Kazuya had taken things the wrong way, thus the hostility between them sometimes. “I… I thought it was mutual… It’s not like we were behaving like a couple anymore. We just grew apart. It was as good as us not being together anymore. So I thought…”
“I see.”
Silence followed. Jin wasn’t sure what to say to Kazuya, and was also wondering what Kazuya was thinking right now. He wondered what made the latter suddenly bring this topic of conversation up. Did something happen between Kazuya and Tomohisa?
“Jin… I really loved you back then.” Kazuya suddenly said, surprising Jin once again. “But I don’t love you like that anymore.”
A small smile played on Jin’s lips. “I know.”
“It’s not funny. Don’t laugh.”
Jin chuckled softly. He could already see the frown on Kazuya’s face. “I’m not laughing. And just to let you know, it’s the same with me.”
“I know.” Kazuya replied. There was another brief moment of silence, and Jin wondered what else Kazuya would say to him, when Kazuya decided to end the call. “Goodnight, Jin.”
“Goodnight, Kazuya.”
* * * * *
Part Fourteen – Avoiding
Written 11.07.2007, 12.07.2007; Posted 21.08.2007
Kazuya sat down on the floor after he finished the dance routine, grabbing the bottle of mineral water closest to him. He bit on the bottle cap, as he glanced at Yuichi.
After days of filming for his drama, Kazuya finally had the opportunity to meet up with the group, specifically Yuichi, again for practice. He had spent the day trying to get Yuichi’s attention so that he could speak to the latter in private. Somehow, it was to no avail.
He wasn’t stupid. It was obvious that Yuichi was avoiding him. Or another way to look at it was that Yuichi had decided to glue himself to Tatsuya.
Kazuya scowled. The last time he had spoken with Yuichi, they didn’t end off on a happy note. That didn’t mean he expected Yuichi to switch ‘interests’ so quickly.
“You’re not the only one he’s avoiding.”
Kazuya turned to look at Jin who had settled down next to him. He hesitated, unsure of how he should react to Jin’s statement, as Jin continued.
“He’s avoiding the both of us.” Jin glanced at Kazuya, who still had his teeth on the bottle cap. “And I think you should stop biting. I know of this small girl who used to do that and once, her tooth came out when she bit a table.”
“Thanks for your concern, but I don’t think my teeth are going to drop out so easily.” Kazuya rolled his eyes, but put the bottle aside anyway.
There was a brief moment of silence, before Jin spoke up again.
“I like him.”
“… Who-”
“Nakamaru.”
“Oh.”
“He likes you better though.” Jin said, as he stood up, stretching his arms. “Ah, makes me wonder what I’m doing here.”
Kazuya frowned, confused by Jin’s words, but the other had already started to walk away. Without thinking, he called out to the other.
“Jin!”
Jin stopped in his tracks, turning back to look at the younger man. Kazuya bit his lip. He didn’t know what to say. That he liked Yuichi too? That he broke up with Tomohisa with the intention to try to work things out with Yuichi, and wasn’t going to let Jin have the older man? That despite everything, he still wanted Jin as his friend?
In the end, Kazuya shook his head, signalling to Jin that it was nothing, and keeping his thoughts to himself.
* * * * *
Part Fifteen – A Little Push
Written 12.07.2007; Posted 24.08.2007
“Jin!”
Yuichi immediately turned his attention towards the other two upon hearing Kazuya’s voice. The truth was, he had been secretly watching them from the corner of his eye, even when he was busy chatting with Tatsuya.
He wasn’t able to hear what they said though. It was comforting nonetheless to see them actually talk to each other, even if it meant that Tomohisa’s words might come true.
“Nakamaru?”
Yuichi turned back to Tatsuya, who was looking at him with a face full of concern. He tried to laugh. “Ueda, your face is so weird.”
“Yours is weirder, and it’s not even funny.”
That had easily wiped the fake smile off Yuichi’s face.
Tatsuya sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t want to interfere, but could you please do something about those two? I don’t think it’s a good image for KAT-TUN to have two moping zombies as the lead singers.”
“What makes you think I’ve got anything to do with those two behaving like that?” Yuichi feigned ignorance.
“Because I can sometimes feel murderous stares directed at me.” Tatsuya remarked. “Jin looks as if I’ve stolen his toy, while Kame obviously wants to talk to you about something.”
“You’re just imagining things.” Yuichi waved dismissively.
Tatsuya stared at his best friend.
Yuichi sighed in defeat. “Okay, okay. I promise that I’ll go see if I can do something about it later, alright?”
“Yes, I’ll appreciate that very much, thank you.”
* * * * *
Part Sixteen – Heartbreak Club
Written 12.07.2007 to 14.07.2007; Posted 28.08.2007
The others had already left, leaving only Yuichi and Kazuya in the room. Yuichi had been reluctant, but he had made a promise to ‘do something about it’ and so here he was, alone with Kazuya, and probably already aware of what the latter was going to say.
“I broke up with Yamapi.”
Yuichi nodded. “I know. He told me the other night.”
Kazuya was taken aback. “What? Did he hurt you? Did-”
“I’m fine.” Yuichi assured Kazuya. “No bruises on my face after all, right?”
“That’s good.” Kazuya heaved a sigh of relief.
“Kame.”
“Nakamaru.”
Both said simultaneously. Yuichi signalled for Kazuya to go ahead first.
“I… I know I haven’t been fair to you.” Kazuya stared at his feet, pausing for a few seconds, before looking back up at Yuichi. “I brought you into this whole mess, and behaved as if I was the only one with the dilemma. I never really considered how you felt.”
Yuichi shook his head. “It’s not entirely your fault. I walked right into this whole situation on my own accord. You could even say that I created the mess.”
Kazuya half smiled. “Even though our relationship is so messed up right now, would you… Would you give us another chance?”
Yuichi didn’t say a word, and it was making Kazuya nervous. Feeling uneasy about the silence, Kazuya continued.
“I would like to give it a try… to see if maybe we could work things out, to start afresh… and just see how things go.”
He waited. That was all he could do now, wait for Yuichi’s reply. Otherwise he might end up babbling things that no one could comprehend. He felt his heart sink though, when Yuichi finally spoke.
“I don’t think we should continue.”
“Why?” Kazuya blurted out, unable to help himself.
“Because…” Yuichi took a deep breath. He felt like his chest tighten, his throat getting dry, but told himself that he had to do this now. “Because I think we both don’t know what we want right now. We both don’t know where our heart lies… It’s better to stop now, instead of letting ourselves sink deeper into this and finding it difficult and painful to end it later.”
“We might be happy together.”
“Not the way things are now.”
“Is it because…” Is it because of Jin? Kazuya had wanted to ask, but decided against it.
Maybe Yuichi was right. Maybe they needed a break right now. Maybe things would be different in the future. Still, his heart hurt so much, that Kazuya could hardly hold back the tears in his eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry.” Yuichi’s voice was shaky as well. He took a step closer to Kazuya, hesitating, before putting a hand on the latter’s cheek, gently rubbing away the tear that had escaped.
Kazuya’s hands gripped onto Yuichi’s shirt, clinging on tightly at first, before firmly pushing the other away. “Please, just leave now.”
Taking a step back, Yuichi paused, unsure if he should leave Kazuya the way he was right now, but the latter only repeated himself.
“Please leave. Leave now before I change my mind.”
Yuichi closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath before turning around, and walking out of the room.
He didn’t expect to find Jin outside.
“Yo.”
“… Yo.” Yuichi returned the greeting in similar fashion, not knowing what else there was to say.
They walked along side by side towards the elevator, both keeping quiet, something rather unusual for the both of them. When the elevator doors closed, Jin finally turned to Yuichi.
“Why did you just to do that?”
“It was for the best.”
“Throwing away your happiness was for the best?”
“You know, I would have thought that you would be happy with my decision.” Yuichi retorted, annoyed at the fact that Jin seemed to be reprimanding him.
“What’s there to be happy about? It’s not like you’re picking me, are you?” Jin sighed. “You’re choosing to be alone, thinking it’s best for everyone, but it’s not.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Yeah, you’re right about that. But from what I can understand, you love him. I’m happy that you even feel anything for me, but the one your heart wants isn’t me, it’s him. So just be with him and stop running away.”
“What the hell, Jin!” Yuichi raised his arms, exasperated. “Don’t act all mature about this. It’s easier said than done, alright?”
“Well if it’s going to make things easier, why don’t you just pretend that I don’t exist?”
“I can’t do that! It’s not possible to act as if you don’t exist. That’s just ridiculous.”
“It’s possible.” Jin said as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out. “You’ll get used to it.”
* * * * *
Part Seventeen – Your Side
Written 14.07.2007, 24.08.2007; Posted 31.08.2007
Notes: Originally this was shorter, and initially, I was going to end it somewhere here and leave it hanging, but then I was told not to. ^^;;
——
Things were back to normal, almost.
Yuichi remembered once telling Jin that it would be difficult staying friends if they got together then broke up. It was difficult at first with Kazuya.
Things felt awkward, but both of them were the type who would think of the group. For the sake of the group, they acted as if everything was fine and they were still good friends, like they had always been. Furthermore, he didn’t want to lose Kazuya forever, so he tried his best to behave like everything was normal.
It was even the same with Jin. Their last conversation appeared to have been forgotten, and they were back to being their noisy selves.
So even though he was stuck with them for twenty-four hours and possibly more because of the show, Yuichi felt that it wasn’t as bad as he had first expected.
That was until Jin dropped the bomb on all of them, saying that he wanted to take a break to go to America to study English.
“Nakamaru.” Kazuya nudged Yuichi when he found the other sitting around, staring into space. “Nakamaru.”
“Hm?”
Kazuya chuckled. “You appeared so supportive of his decision earlier, yet now you’re looking as if the world has ended.”
“You exaggerate.” Yuichi mumbled.
“You can cry if you want to.”
Yuichi turned to look at Kazuya, about to say that he was not a cry baby but felt his eyes sting, and turned away instead, closing his eyes. “Jin told me that I should be with you.”
Kazuya was taken aback. Didn’t Jin like Yuichi too? Having known Jin for so long, the idea of the older man giving way to him seemed unimaginable.
“He even said that if it was easier, I should pretend that he didn’t even exist. He even said that I’ll get used to it.” Yuichi laughed bitterly to himself. “Who knew that this was what he meant.”
“You care a lot about what he says.” Kazuya commented as he took a seat next to Yuichi. Somehow, he felt like he could understand Yuichi better now. He could understand why Yuichi did what he did.
Yuichi didn’t reply, but the silence between them felt rather comforting. After several minutes where the two of them sat side by side, neither saying a word, Kazuya finally stood up.
“Hey, I just want you to know, that whenever you need me, I’ll be by your side.”
Yuichi looked up at Kazuya, a small smile on his face. “Thank you.”
Kazuya smiled back, before slowly walking away.
Arigatou, Kame.
* * * * *
The day before the press conference, Kazuya asked him over the phone if Yuichi was his reason for leaving. Jin scoffed at the idea.
“What does Nakamaru have anything to do with me learning English?” Jin remarked to Kazuya.
“Not that… I’ve nothing against you learning English.” Kazuya replied. “It’s just that-”
“No.” Jin cut Kazuya off. “He’s not the reason. I’ve already told you guys, it’s something I’ve thought about for a long time.”
“I know. But why now?”
“If not now, then when? Never?”
“Preferably.”
Jin sighed. He knew that he was partially lying by saying that Yuichi wasn’t one of the reasons for going on a hiatus at this point in time. It wasn’t that Yuichi was the main reason; after all, going to study abroad was something that had been on his mind for a while. However, Jin did feel like he needed to get away from Yuichi for a while, if only to remain sane.
“I’m not leaving forever, you know.” Jin said, feeling the need to reassure Kazuya, who he knew was feeling worried and uneasy over this whole situation. “In any case, you get to have him for yourself for six months. Shouldn’t you be happy?”
“You should know that we broke it off.”
“That doesn’t mean that you two can’t get back together.”
“Argh, you’re such an idiot, Akanishi!” Kazuya grumbled, sounding extremely frustrated.
Jin laughed. Maybe he really was an idiot, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
“Kame.”
“Hm?”
“Besides you, no one else is allowed to have him, alright?”
Kazuya sighed melodramatically. “Fine, if you’re so insistent, I’ll keep him for myself. And don’t expect me to give him back to you when you come back.”
Jin chuckled, a half-hearted smile playing on his lips. “He was never mine to begin with.”
* * * * *
Part Eighteen – Perfectly Understandable
Written 15.07.2007, 29.08.2007; Posted 04.09.2007
Notes: Last spurt! Despite the title, it turned out that I made this fic not that easily understandable. The irony. ^^;; If it doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it, sorry, but if it does, good for you. I personally think it could still go whichever way you want it to go, because I didn’t exactly make anything definite, so the possibilities are still there. Anyway, Happy Birthday Yuichi!
——
“I remember.”
Yuichi had pulled Jin aside after the press conference, questions nagging at his mind. Jin, meanwhile, was completely lost as to what Yuichi was referring to. “Hm?”
“That day, when you confessed to me, you already hinted at leaving, didn’t you?” Jin didn’t reply, but Yuichi didn’t wait for him to do so. “I should have noticed back then, but I wasn’t sure and brushed it off. Why though?”
“Why did I hint at leaving?” Jin’s head tilted to the side, as if pondering. “I don’t know… it just slipped out of my mouth.”
“I don’t understand you.” Yuichi said, frowning. “Why would you bother telling me what you felt for me, when you knew that at that time I was with Kame, and that I wasn’t going to return your feelings? Heck, you even told me to be with Kame after I broke it off with him. Why did you confess then? Why didn’t you just keep those feelings to yourself? Why did you have to let me know?”
Silence fell upon them. Yuichi wasn’t even sure what made him confront Jin like that. For the past month he had tried to pretend that nothing was wrong and everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t.
There were so many things Yuichi wanted to know, he realised, so many things he wanted to ask Jin. And it felt as if he had to ask now or he would never have the chance to do so in future.
“It’s because I’m selfish.” Jin’s voice broke his thoughts. “I wanted to know what you felt for me. I wanted to know if I mattered to you, even if I wasn’t the one that was most important to you. I wanted you to look at me just every once in a while.”
“Jin…”
“Most of all, I wanted you to know because I wanted you to feel guilty about not being able to return my feelings. And I knew you would feel bad about it, because you’re you. You’ll care about how I felt. You always cared about others’ feelings. It’s… it’s one of the things I love about you the most.”
“Jin-”
“Don’t worry. I’m not leaving because of you.” Jin stated in a serious tone. “You’re not that important.”
Yuichi snorted. “Thanks. I feel so relieved.”
Jin smiled, and was about to leave when Yuichi held him back.
“You better come back.”
“Six months, it should pass by quickly right?”
“Promise me.” Yuichi said, before adding quickly. “It’s for the sake of the group.”
“I’ll be back as long as you still want me.”
“Don’t be stupid.” Yuichi remarked, pretending not to notice the hidden meaning behind Jin’s words. “…We’ll be waiting for you.”
* * * * *
20th April 2007…
“Will you please calm down?” Kazuya sighed as he stared at Yuichi who was seated next to him on the sofa. This was the day that Jin was back, though the latter hadn’t arrived yet. It seemed to Kazuya that Yuichi had ants in his clothes the way the older man couldn’t stop moving.
“I’m calm.” Yuichi claimed.
“Well if you’re calm would you stop fidgeting so much then?”
“I always fidget. You know it’s one of my bad habits.”
“Yes, but you’re fidgeting more than usual.”
“It’s Taguchi’s fault!” Yuichi protested just as said person made a loud sound while he played one of his numerous computer games. “See, he’s being so loud today, it’s making me irritated.”
“I’m sure even if he was as quiet as a mouse you’ll still be like that.” Kazuya rolled his eyes. “You’re acting like a teenage boy, all nervous on his first date with the girl of his dreams.”
“Urusai. You’re exaggerating.” Yuichi replied defensively. “I’m just glad that we’re back to being six again.”
“Is that so?” Kazuya asked sardonically. “Do me a favour though. Would you get out of the room and walk around to calm yourself down, because your endless fidgeting is starting to get on my nerves.”
Yuichi made a face, sticking his tongue out at Kazuya, before getting up and heading towards the door.
“Ne, Nakamaru.”
“Hm?”
“You’re such a lucky guy to have Jin.”
“Urusai!” Yuichi shouted back, before walking out.
As he walked along the corridor, Yuichi started muttering to himself about how Kazuya should stop making such comments since there was absolutely nothing going on between him and Jin, not paying attention to what was ahead of him and thus bumping into someone.
“Itai yo, Nakamaru!”
Yuichi looked up upon hearing that familiar voice. “Ah… A-Akanishi, long time no see.”
“We just saw each other when the group went up to New York the last time.” Jin pointed out, before grinning widely. “Did you miss me already?”
Turning around, Yuichi started walking back towards their room, deliberately ignoring Jin’s question. “C’mon let’s go. The guys are all waiting for you.”
“Hey, you haven’t answered my question.” Jin protested as he hurried to catch up with Yuichi. “Oi. Nakamaru, Nakamaru.”
“Nani?”
“I still like you.”
Yuichi paused in mid-step, holding back a smile that was threatening to appear. He pretended to be deep in thought, before turning to look Jin. “If we get together, and we break up later, we won’t be able to remain as friends you know.”
Jin blinked, very sure that he had heard that line before. Chuckling, he reached out his hand, pinching Yuichi’s cheek. “Too bad for you, but you’re stuck with me forever.”
Yuichi smacked Jin’s arm away, rubbing his cheek. “Didn’t you ask me to pretend that you didn’t exist?”
“Well you tried to and found it impossible, didn’t you?” Jin said with a smug look.
“…”
“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly understandable.”
* * * * *
The End
© Copyrighted by O-Baka! | Home
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@Chapter 1
wow..this fic seems to have a lot of hm..complicated relationships between the characters….
^^
shizzu: You’re reading this? I would have thought no one would want to read this after my warning in the notes about it not being a happy fic. ^^;; I guess I’m weird in that despite it being Jin’s birthday, I decide to post up something complicated and sad instead of something more fluffy-happy instead.
ok..this is weird..my message is till not getting through…ok..this is wat i wanted to say…”do you expect me to totally over look a fic involving kame the cute turtle, and pretend it does not exist?? haha..well, as i said b4 that i dislike sad endings….so..i’ll probably start to hate you when you conclude the story..ahaha…”
shizzu: Eh, your message couldn’t get through properly because you used left/right arrows and wordpress tend to detect those as coding. I really should put a note somewhere near the comments form regarding this. *note to self*
You read anything and everything that has Kame? lol. It’s okay if you start to hate me as the fic nears the end, because I’m quite sure PiKame fans would hate me for this fic anyway. ^^;;
@Chapter 1
I’m quite sure PiKame fans would hate me for this fic anyway
Hmm, let’s see about that *laughs*
Ah, but I’m confused now. This isn’t AU, is it? Cos for some unknown reason I always assumed it’d be AU when you told me about it o_O”
Mina: I don’t understand by what you mean by “let’s see about that” lol. And yes, it’s NOT AU this time. Am sick of writing AU at the moment. :DD