Part One – Confessions
Written 30.01.2007; Posted 04.07.2007
Notes: Titled after (and inspired by) Yuichi’s self-penned solo, Understandable. Also, it’s set during summer of 2006. In this fic, I attempt to make it complicated, messed up, and made the four main characters have some sort of major flaw. It is unlikely to be a happy fic, but then I again I pretty much just write whenever inspiration strikes (and will be posting whenever I feel like it too), so even I’m not sure either how this will end. Read at your own risk. ^^;; By the way, Happy Birthday Jin!
——
“If we get together, and we break up later, we won’t be able to remain as friends you know.”
There was a brief moment of silence, as Yuichi waited for Jin’s reply.
“You mean like how it is with Kazuya and me now?”
There was a jolt through him as he took in Jin’s question. Partly because of the reminder that Kazuya used to be with Jin, and partly out of surprise that Jin referred to the younger boy by that name instead of the usual “Kame” or “Kamenashi”. He also felt a slight pang of jealousy at how easily the name rolled off Jin’s tongue, as if those two were still together. But Yuichi couldn’t tell who he was jealous of. Maybe both.
.
“I can call you ‘Yuichi’ if you want me to.”
Yuichi’s eyes widened. He was quite sure that he didn’t voice out his thoughts. Jin just smirked at his look of confusion, suddenly leaning so close that their faces were only inches apart.
“Yuichi, I might not look all that observant, but I know everything about you.”
Unsure about what Jin was implying, Yuichi retracted and hurried to get his things. “Sorry, I have to go.”
“Meeting Kazuya?”
Yuichi stopped short. Oh… So that’s what Jin meant. Jin knew everything about him, even about the ‘affair’ he was having despite having taken pains to keep it a secret. Yuichi panicked for a second, wondering if it meant that Tomohisa knew about it too. But somehow, he could tell that Jin hadn’t said a word to his best friend yet, for whatever reason.
“So… is this a threat?”
“No, I’m not blackmailing you if that’s what you’re thinking.” Jin replied, sounding a little peeved at Yuichi’s implication. “Seems like you don’t know me that well, huh?”
“I… Gomen.” Yuichi apologised, head bowed as his eyes stared at the floor. There was silence between them once more, but it seemed like Jin wasn’t going to say anything this time. Looking up finally, Yuichi tried to look into Jin’s eyes, but found it difficult to do so. “Jin… I… I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
Jin didn’t say a word. Not waiting for Jin this time, Yuichi turned to leave, though he was deliberately slow in his actions, as if hoping that Jin would stop him. Just as Yuichi’s hand turned the door knob, he heard Jin’s voice behind him.
“Nakamaru, can you honestly say that you have absolutely no feelings for me at all?”
Yuichi knew that Jin hated it when people lied to him, so he told the truth, even though it might only complicate things further.
“No, I can’t say that.”
“So you would miss me if I went overseas for a long time right?”
“What?” Yuichi blinked, not sure if he heard Jin clearly.
“Nothing.” Jin smiled, before turning his back on Yuichi. “You should get going. Kame’s probably waiting for you.”
Seeing that Jin didn’t want to talk about it anymore, Yuichi finally left, but somehow feeling like he had left something important behind.
* * * * *
Part Two – Guilt Trip
Written 16.02.2007; Posted 13.07.2007
Yuichi laid on the crumpled sheets, surrounded in darkness save for the light seeping from under the door to the bathroom, as he listened to the sound of running water.
He had lost track of how many times they had been doing this.
There was always some excuse to continue, even though both of them knew they should stop. Yuichi was amazed at himself for the fact that his guilt could just come and go so easily, like there was a switch to control his feelings, and right now that switched was turned on, as the guilt overwhelmed him once more. Every time, it was the same. Yet he did nothing to stop it.
Suddenly, he thought of Jin. Jin and the conversation they had earlier. Maybe Jin would be his saviour? Yuichi thought, before snorting. This was real life, not some scripted drama. And what was Jin supposed to save him from anyway? Maybe he didn’t want to be saved…
The sound of running water stopped, filling the room with silence. Yuichi could hear his own deep breathing. Minutes later, the door to the bathroom opened, Kazuya, fully clothed, standing at the door way.
“Nakamaru, we have a photo shoot tomorrow right?” Kazuya asked, tone casual, as if nothing had happened between them.
Yuichi nodded, then realised that Kazuya might not be able to see him doing so. “Hai.” Silence filled the room once more, as Yuichi watched the silhouette of Kazuya moving to pick up his bag and belongings.
“I’ve gotta get back… …Pi said he’s coming over tonight.” Kazuya informed Yuichi, before turning to leave. There was a pause, before Kazuya turned the knob and left the room.
Not for the first time, Yuichi wondered how long they could go on like this.
* * * * *
Part Three – Secrets & Lies
Written 03.03.2007, 17.03.2007; Posted 13.07.2007
——
Standing at the foot of the building, Kazuya noticed light coming from the window to the apartment he shared with his lover, indicating that Tomohisa was already home. Kazuya sighed, knowing that he’d have to come up with some excuse about finishing work late.
He loved Tomohisa, he really did. But some things were just… complicated. Their relationship was complicated since the start, or at least it was to Kazuya, maybe not so to the older boy. Maybe it was because he was the one complicating things, Kazuya thought.
“You’re finally back.” Tomohisa greeted him as he closed the door behind him. “Where have you been? I dropped by at the set, wanting to pick you up from there, but they said that you’d already left.”
“Oh you did? You should have given me a call first.” Kazuya replied. He was amazed at how calm he still sounded. His excuse that work finished late wouldn’t help now. He’ll just have to come up with something else.
“I wanted to give you a surprise.” Tomohisa smiled, before pouting. “But you weren’t there.”
Kazuya leaned in to kiss Tomohisa on the lips. “Gomen ne, Pi. I just… needed to take a breather… went for a walk that’s all.”
Arms wrapped around him, Kazuya let Tomohisa pull him into a warm embrace. “Don’t overwork yourself ne. I know we’ve both been busy and hardly get to see each other, but if you ever need me, you know I’ll be there.”
Kazuya nodded, a sense of guilt washing over him. He had Tomohisa, who loved him very much. And he loved the other too. So what more could he ask for?
Apparently… Yuichi.
* * * * *
Part Four – Suspicion
Written 28.03.2007, 30.03.2007; Posted 17.07.2007
Jin yawned, before taking another bite of his bagel, while his best friend sat opposite him, pouting.
He was pretty much immune to Tomohisa’s whole puppy dog look, and would have completely ignored the existence of the other. Except that Tomohisa wasn’t much of a morning person, and for him to actually drag Jin out and offer to pay for breakfast, Jin figured that there was something his best friend wanted to talk about.
After a few more bites, Jin took the hint that he was expected to prod the other for information.
“So, what’s bothering you so much that you decided to invite ore-sama out for breakfast?”
“There’s nothing bothering me.”
Jin noticed the pout on Tomohisa’s lips deepen, and had the urge to throw something at the younger boy’s head.
“Pi, if there’s nothing bothering you, I’m sure you’ll be back in that small cosy apartment you share with your boyfriend, having breakfast in bed. And I don’t even want to know what kind of breakfast it is.”
“Kazuya’s gone to work.” Tomohisa replied. “He’s been busy. He was back late last night.”
“Yeah, of course. He has a drama to film. And if I remember correctly, there’s a photo shoot later too.”
Of course Jin didn’t see any reason to add that Kazuya was involved in other activities. Partly because he didn’t want Yuichi to be beaten up by his best friend and partly because he didn’t think he should be the one telling Tomohisa anyway.
“You seem to know Kazuya’s schedule really well, huh?”
“Duh, I’m in the same group as him.” Jin rolled his eyes as he drank a gulp of his coffee.
“What time does your shoot end today?”
“Erm, around four? You’re coming over?”
“Yeah.” Tomohisa nodded, before getting up from his seat. “Are you done eating? I gotta get to work.”
“You can go ahead first. I’m still hungry. Just leave some extra cash here so that I can pay later.”
Jin watched as Tomohisa shook his head while placing some notes on the table, before waving and leaving the café. After pondering for a while, Jin took out his cell phone and dialled a familiar number.
“Nakamaru? Have you had breakfast? …Wanna join me? Pi gave me some money so it’s his treat.”
* * * * *
Part Five- Escape Route
Written 04.05.2007; Posted 20.07.2007
——
Yuichi was practising his beat box, but he wasn’t really a hundred percent focused. Instead, he was secretly watching two people, each at different ends of the room, so he had to alternate between both corners of his eyes.
On one end, Jin was busy wrestling with Koki. At the other end, Kazuya was quietly reading some magazine.
They had plans that night, he and Kazuya, but Yuichi knew that tonight had to be cancelled, after hearing from Jin that Tomohisa was coming over, and at any moment now. He hadn’t had the opportunity to tell Kazuya yet though.
Just then, Kazuya put the magazine aside and got up from his seat, about to saunter over to where Yuichi was when the door to the room opened, and Tomohisa stepped in. Yuichi stupidly almost went into panic mode, but managed to stay calm. Instead he turned his back on Kazuya and walked over to where Jin and Koki were.
“Kazuya~”
“Eh?” Kazuya was surprised to see Tomohisa there. The other should have been busy with work, so his appearance wasn’t expected. In fact, the older boy was supposed to finish work really late that night, and they would probably not see each other until tomorrow.
Tomohisa embraced Kazuya, speaking softly into the latter’s ear. “I finished work early today. Since for once you have some time to spare, let’s go on a date, okay? I missed you.”
Kazuya chuckled. “We just saw each other this morning.”
“I know. But I still miss you.”
“Oi, Yamapi!” Jin’s voice interrupted them. He and Koki had already stopped wrestling, and Koki was now trying to beat box along with Yuichi. “You come in here without knocking on the door, and never even said hello to any of us? Not even your best friend, ore-sama?”
“Ah, I didn’t even notice that you were here, Bakanishi.”
“Che.” Jin made a face, before turning to whack Yuichi and Koki on the head. “Urusai!”
“You’re the one who’s urusai.” Koki remarked as he rubbed his head. “You’re one violent baka.”
“You’re just bitter because I’m stronger than you.”
“As if! I was totally kicking your ass earlier.”
“Nakamaru, you be the judge. Who’s stronger? Who was kicking whose ass at wrestling just now?”
“You can’t ask him. He was too busy spitting to take notice.” Koki protested, before getting hit on the head again by Yuichi this time.
From the corner of his eye, Yuichi saw that Kazuya’s eyes were on him the whole time. It made him feel uncomfortable, especially since Tomohisa was in the room too. Don’t look at me! Look at your own boyfriend! Don’t let him get any more suspicious! Yuichi’s mind was screaming. Refusing to make eye contact with Kazuya, Yuichi kept his attention on Jin instead.
“Hey, let’s go and eat!” Jin said as he put an arm around Yuichi’s shoulder.
Yuichi nodded. “Alright!” Putting on his most genki appearance, Yuichi added. “We can go for karaoke after that!”
“I wanna go along too.” Koki said.
“No, you can’t.” Yuichi rejected Koki immediately. “Jin and I are going on a date so you can’t come along.”
Jin almost laughed out loud then, hearing Yuichi’s words, while Koki merely put on a hurt look.
“Fine! I have a drama to film anyway, unlike you two lazy bums who have no work to do.” Koki said, as he stalked off in a melodramatic fashion.
“You have very entertaining group mates.” Tomohisa commented to Kazuya.
“Hm? Ah, uh yeah.”
“Ja, we’re going on our date now then.” Jin announced to everyone as he and Yuichi picked up their bags. Grabbing onto Yuichi’s hand, Jin did his signature Hayato-V-sign with his other hand. “Bye bye!
“Maybe we should go on a double date with them the next time.” Tomohisa chuckled. Kazuya only vaguely heard what Tomohisa said, as he watched the two leave, a sick feeling in his stomach starting to brew.
* * * * *
Part Six – Date
Written 06.05.2007; Posted 24.07.2007
“I don’t like being used, you know.” Jin told Yuichi as they walked along the streets looking for a place to eat.
“Sorry.”
“Ah well it’s my own fault isn’t it? After all I was the one who asked you to go out with me to eat.” Jin cocked his head to one side. “You guys had plans tonight, huh?”
“Yeah… You actually did me a favour.” Yuichi answered, smiling half-heartedly.
“I don’t think avoiding him is the best solution though.”
“I wasn’t avoiding him.”
“Yes you were. I can tell.” Jin insisted. He had noticed Yuichi’s uneasiness the whole day ever since their conversation over breakfast. “I know everything about you, remember?”
“I wasn’t- Okay, maybe I was avoiding him a little.”
“You were still sneaking glances at him though.” Jin chuckled.
“You even noticed that?”
“I even noticed that sometimes you weren’t looking at him, but at me instead.”
Yuichi blushed, embarrassed at having been caught looking. “Have you been staring at me all day or something?” He mumbled.
Jin shrugged. “Only when I can’t help it, which I’m not sure but it could be almost all day.”
Yuichi suspected that the reason why girls fell for Jin so easily was because Jin had a way of saying things that made you feel so… he couldn’t find the right word but it was whatever he was feeling right now. Was this how Kazuya always felt when the two used to be together? Yuichi wondered. Squashing those feelings within him, Yuichi reminded himself that such similar feelings were what got him into this mess in the first place.
“Jin, you’re almost like a stalker. Staring at me and knowing so many things about me.”
Jin laughed. “I prefer to say that I’m a very good spy instead of a stalker.”
“Pft.” Yuichi rolled his eyes. “Alright then, James Bond. Where are we going to eat?”
“The name is Akanishi. Jin Akanishi.” Jin said in English, in his best impersonation of the fictional spy, which Yuichi couldn’t say was very good. Jin then pointed to a shop across the street as he switched back to Japanese. “How about we eat over there?”
“Anything’s fine with me.”
“Are you fine with me treating this as a real date then?”
“Hm, ii yo.”
“Ja, ikou!” Jin grinned, before grabbing a hold of Yuichi’s hand and pulling him along as they crossed the street junction.
* * * * *
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@Chapter 1
wow..this fic seems to have a lot of hm..complicated relationships between the characters….
^^
shizzu: You’re reading this? I would have thought no one would want to read this after my warning in the notes about it not being a happy fic. ^^;; I guess I’m weird in that despite it being Jin’s birthday, I decide to post up something complicated and sad instead of something more fluffy-happy instead.
ok..this is weird..my message is till not getting through…ok..this is wat i wanted to say…”do you expect me to totally over look a fic involving kame the cute turtle, and pretend it does not exist?? haha..well, as i said b4 that i dislike sad endings….so..i’ll probably start to hate you when you conclude the story..ahaha…”
shizzu: Eh, your message couldn’t get through properly because you used left/right arrows and wordpress tend to detect those as coding. I really should put a note somewhere near the comments form regarding this. *note to self*
You read anything and everything that has Kame? lol. It’s okay if you start to hate me as the fic nears the end, because I’m quite sure PiKame fans would hate me for this fic anyway. ^^;;
@Chapter 1
I’m quite sure PiKame fans would hate me for this fic anyway
Hmm, let’s see about that *laughs*
Ah, but I’m confused now. This isn’t AU, is it? Cos for some unknown reason I always assumed it’d be AU when you told me about it o_O”
Mina: I don’t understand by what you mean by “let’s see about that” lol. And yes, it’s NOT AU this time. Am sick of writing AU at the moment. :DD